Its crazy how much one person, even if they aren’t there physically, can still affect you… How the littlest things you hear, see, smell, taste, feel, can still remind you of them. They linger in your heart and a lot of the time, its unsettling. Sometimes these memories can cut deep because the loss of them was extremely painful, but other times, those same memories can inspire you to accomplish greatness… they can motivate you to push forward, further than you thought possible… they can still teach you lessons well after they’re gone. Just when you think you’ve fallen to your lowest point, something small triggers a memory of them and suddenly you’re back on your feet, ready to try again.

That’s exactly what happened last week. I felt empty… There’s so much that I want for the future… There’s so much I want for the baby… Its been weighing so heavily on my mind, I can barely put it into words. I want to provide her with more than I’ve ever had and give her everything I never had… a solid foundation- a family with virtues and morals, a strong financial background, a steady home… and I know it all begins with me. Her childhood depends on all the decisions I make today. Granted, I’m doing well for myself, but is it the best I can do for HER? Am I doing everything in my power to give this little girl the best chance she’s got? Obviously there was a lot more I could do, but where should I start? I was driving home, tired and overwhelmed by how much I needed to do in such a short period of time… but then that stupid song came on the radio and it reminded me of you. You were so determined, so strong, so hard-working. I have one full time job, you had two…. and you put yourself through school at the same time. You knew that you had to work hard to get to where you wanted to be. How you had the energy to do all that and juggle having me in your life, I have no idea…. but you did. So why can’t I? That brings me back to my point…

Although, there are times that the memory of you effects me so much it hurts, I need to keep in mind that you may not be here physically, I may not be able to see you or speak to you, but you still inspire me, motivate me, and teach me new things each & everyday. You may never hear me say it, but whether or not our time together was short lived, I’m grateful for you. With that being said, I’ve taken huge leaps forward over the past few days… So thanks to you, some of that weight has lifted off my shoulders and my heart can finally rest in peace.

“This life is what you make it. No matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes, it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they’ll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they’re your true best friends. Don’t let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up becuase if you give up, you’ll never find your soul mate. You’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.” ― Marilyn Monroe

“we waste time trying to find the perfect love, instead of taking the time to build the perfect love.”

Dear Mom,

If there was ever a time I needed your help it would be right now… I know you’re always watching over us, but I need your guidance more than ever tonight. Please help me make the right decision. Please give me a sign… something, anything, to know I’m doing the right thing. Shine down on me. Show me, guide me, down the right path. Grant me with enough resilience and good judgement to push me forward, regardless of the outcome. I know you were a strong, determined woman… Please bless me with similar strength to get through this.

LOVE & PRAYERS,

Your Daughter,

Sandra D’Aynn

“In the long run, it’s not a question of whether they deserve to be forgiven. You’re not forgiving them for their sake. You’re doing it for yourself. For your own health and well-being, forgiveness is simply the most energy-efficient option. It frees you from the incredibly toxic, debilitating drain of holding a grudge. Don’t let these people live rent free in your head. If they hurt you before, why let them keep doing it year after year in your mind? It’s not worth it but it takes heart effort to stop it. You can muster that heart power to forgive them as a way of looking out for yourself. It’s the one thing you can be totally selfish about.”

FORGIVENESS = LIBERATION.

FREE YOUR MIND.

i’ve invested years in this blog… all my emotions, everything i couldn’t bare to say out loud, i wrote; but its time for a new beginning. i packed away years of pain, struggle, & anger. …decided to start on a clean slate… decided that it’s time to focus on the positive & nix the negative. after all, what’s the point in dwelling on the past when all that lies in front of you is the future?

2012 is here & i’m pushing forward with a more optimistic view on life.

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